Mentality

There’s a door in my mind,

edged with yellow and black warning tape, holding it shut.

That’s where the questions and problems live.

Mostly it stays shut, but

Some days the spidery black void that lurks within pokes a feeler out,

Whispers questions, opinions, fears.

If the door stays shut things are fine.

At least, that’s what I tell myself…

whilst I scrabble to cover the cracks and patch the scars,

and pretend the spider isn’t there.

Until he comes seeping out from under the door again.

Sometimes it’s more impatient, the little beast in my mind

And he senses the weaknesses, the hesitations, the stresses

and blows the door off its hinges, like a punch to the stomach, floors you.

Existential angst usually follows, the questions have escaped, philosophy the enemy here

and then the stillness, the nothingness, the apathy.

BUT, I carry on fighting the beast, pushing him back behind his door, telling him to stay there or else,

because somehow I know that this isn’t all there is.

Today I have my vorpal sword, blade forged through a smile, a laugh, a friendship,

and that’s worth fighting for.

There’s a door in my mind, but today, today is a day for brightness, not black, and so the door stays shut, for now.